WORKPLACE WISDOM

At our daily meeting:

Boss: Participation in the dunk tank was surprisingly low.

[The dunk tank is an effort to get peon employees to donate to the United Way by paying for chances to dunk a superior employee in a tub of water. You have to hit a target with a softball to trigger the dunking mechanism. I've always found this ridiculous and patronizing, as if a little water would satisfy our proletarian resentment. Wouldn't it be more fulfilling if we could just throw the softballs directly at their heads?]

Me: How much does that dunk tank cost to rent?

Boss: Last year it was $400, but we got a deal this year for $250.

Me: Did we recoup the $250?

Boss: No.

Me: Wouldn't it make more sense to just give the $250 directly to the United Way and forgo our "fun"?

Boss: Probably.

Sally: But wouldn't it make most sense to just invest in our own dunk tank?

••••••••••••••••

Back in our cubicles:

Jason: This chili sauce they're recalling for botulism has meat in it?

Sally: Yes.

Jason: But it comes in a can.

Sally: Most of your finer meat products do.

WTF?

You go out of town for two days and some pinhead on your street paints a 19th century brick home hot pink.

(outraged post to follow)

HOUSEGUEST

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEORGE!

I know you're only 29 now, but when you're 60 you'll be really glad you took care of your skin.

Happy birthday and good luck on your nursing test. Come see me when you're legal.