THE FINAL JUDGE OF ALL MATTERS
When I grade quizzes I'm always amazed by at least a few answers — a student identifies Nancy Pelosi as the secretary of state or Dick Cheney as the attorney general or locates the Nile in South America. I try not to be too judgmental. I try not to write "WTF?" on their papers (sometimes I fail and have to find my good eraser). I try to see myself at 20 and think of all the things of which I was profoundly ignorant. I was a huge moron, I'm sure. I still kind of am. But that doesn't stop me from being amazed by the moronity (yes, that's a word — I checked) of others. This latest batch of quizzes broke a record, I believe, for quantity and quality of wrong answers. I'll list only the laughably wrong, however.
Identify two national or international stories that you thought were important last week:
{This should be hard to miss, right?}
Africa got a new president.
Shiitake forces in Iraq fleeing.
Flags flying from light poles alerted the campus to what weeklong event?
lesbigay whatchamacallit
{Technically not wrong; just lacking in warmth}
They were rainbow colored flags, but I don't know what they represented.
{Totally real answer. Totally believable if you know this kid}
Why was 14,000-year-old poop in the news last week?
Dinosaur poop was discovered in a cave (I'm totally guessing)
{This student always indicates to me when he is guessing or "totally guessing," lest I think he thinks that he is knowing, albeit incorrectly, and not conjecturing. I find the self-consciousness of this gesture extremely charming.}
The oldest poop ever found of a dinosaur.
{At least three people seemed to think dinosaurs were alive 14,000 years ago.}
The oldest human poop.
{At least three other people seemed to think humanity began 14,000 years ago.}
The discovery of this poop will show great advances/info.
{Not wrong, I suppose, but rather too mystical and vague.}
Identify the following people: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Somehow still the governor of California
{Not incorrect. Just amusing. On other quizzes this kid has identified Antonin Scalia as "that Catholic homophobe on the Supreme Court" and William Quantrill as "Confederate wingnut who torched the town."}
The population of the United States is:
300,000? I didn't study this part.
13 billion
1.3 billion {Do you think this one was copying off the previous one or vice versa and misread the decimal point?}
1.6 billion
{People really have no innate sense of proportion, do they?}
A legislative proposal would allow Kansans to vote on adding what to the state constitution?
a coal plant
English
Gay pride
Define "pro tem" as in "She is a judge pro tem in the 7th District."
This means she is the final judge of all matters and there can be no appeal.
posted by kc @ 4:27 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Well, it is Shiitake season, isn't it? Must be why they're in stores now.
(Kidding.)
lesbigay whatchamacallit
Was the kid being hostile, or just flip?
The discovery of this poop will show great advances/info.
This one's in PR, right?
More informative: Schwarzenegger is somehow not flailing as governor of California.
300,000 in the U.S.? I’m always amazed that people can have such a lack of a sense of scale. This answer is off a thousand fold. Kansas City alone is much bigger. Although thinking dinosaurs were around 14,000 years ago is much worse. Has the history of the earth disappeared entirely from school curriculum?
I’m not generally surprised when 20-year-old college kids are ignorant. They don’t have any interest in education are on campus for a mere vocational training dressed up as a fancy degree. So they will probably learn their field ok even if they are incompetent in a civic role like voting. But it is bizarre that students who are indifferent to what is happening in the world would choose journalism. Are they planning on getting jobs that have nothing to do with their course of study?
A very amusing post, your honorable instructor pro tem. One idea: On the next group project, pair the respondents of Catholic homophobe and lesbigay whatchamacallit.
"Shiitake forces" almost made me spit my coffee.
The "pro tem" kid is obviously a graduate of the George Bush school of checks and balances.
Somehow I'm always surprised by the ignorance. It's just hard for me to believe that students at a university, people who want to be journalists, could honestly think the U.S. population is 300,000 or that there's a president of Africa. How can this be? It's astounding.
"I didn't study this part"? No kidding.
I think I woke my roommies with my out loud chuckles. On the up side, at least your students know better than to tell you all about their sex lives. They will figure out the other stuff as they go.
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